Lincoln Wore Lifts

Zoë ♐ F 19 ACE
About me:
I'm good at wasting time
and think bios need to rhyme
and you're not asking but I'm trying to grow a mustache
I eat cheese (but only on pizza, please
and sometimes on a homemade quesadilla)
otherwise it smells like feet to me
and I really like it when the moon looks like a toenail


ZELDAS   DO THE THING   DO THE OTHER THING
Reblogged from tastefullyoffensive
Reblogged from deanprincesster
  • girl: babe come over
  • boy: I can't I'm having a threesome with an older couple
  • girl: my parents aren't home
  • boy: I know
Reblogged from clarkadefireeee-deactivated2013
Reblogged from theatlantic
Until you’re about the age of twenty, you read everything, and you like it simply because you are reading it. Then between twenty and thirty you pick what you want, and you read the best, you read all the great works. After that you sit and wait for them to be written. But you know, the least known, the least famous writers, they are the better ones. Rest in peace, Gabriel García Márquez. (via theatlantic)

(via cannedchampagne)

Reblogged from kingcheddarxvii

kingchestnutsroastinonanopenfire:

Wizards can make fun of muggles all they want but the joke’s on them because phones can do in two seconds what they use owls and high-level magic to do, AND we have tanks. Try to avada kedavra a tank you stick-wiggling nerds

(Source: kingcheddarxvii, via cannedchampagne)

Reblogged from warriorchicken

lotolle:

warriorchicken:

I look like an extremely professional fashionable woman in an Abaya. It probably took me AGES to look this professional right?image

WRONG. I’m actually wearing my onesie underneath it and you will NEVER KNOW MWAHAHAHA

image

Wanna know another secret? Even though i LOOK like I’m paying attention to whatever nonsense you are saying…..

image

I AM ACTUALLY WEARING HEADPHONES AND LISTENING TO MUSIC

image

  BAM!

Damn you! The perfect disguise! 

(via comedoradecarne)

Reblogged from interruptmag

A word of advice to trans women

orangelemonart:

interruptmag:

image

Go to your nearest target. Buy a two pack of pushup bras (24$ for 2), and target’s bra inserts (12$). Then go to your nearest Walmart and buy the Vasserette Control Shapewear Panties (2.50 each), they do wonders for helping your tuck. There you go! You just saved yourself a lot of money, you can afford to buy enough to wear every day, and best of all you look fabulous. -@twidx

recs for trans women are so rare on tumblr!! spread this, people.

(via absolutelyvantastic)

Reblogged from sherlocksmyth

sherlocksmyth:

i am the world’s best dragon slayer. you ever seen a dragon round here? no? you’re welcome.

(via cannedchampagne)

Reblogged from dadpaws
santaurl:

NOTHIN SAYS KINKY AND WILd like. A MICKEY MOUSE MASK

santaurl:

NOTHIN SAYS KINKY AND WILd like. A MICKEY MOUSE MASK

(Source: dadpaws, via cannedchampagne)

Reblogged from tarainunderland

grumpyfaceurn:

tarainunderland:

The worst thing about musicals is not being able to choose who you want to sing along with.

Do I sing along with Gabe or his dad?

Do I sing Roger or Mark?

Am I a Raoul or a Phantom today?

IT IS EITHER VALJEAN OR JAVERT

(via cut-right-into-me)